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March 2008
CHOPPER NATION
"Further Chronicles of the FAT TIRE BOYS"
Alright people we gotta talk about where these
biker events are being held. The Chopper Nation was recently at The Dead
Wood Fest and well represented I might add. The problem is dirt roads,
lime rock roads, whatever you wanna call them. Dirt to a chopper guy is
like a veggie burger to a fat chick.Cruising into the place I got mud
hitting me in the back of the headfrom my damn near fenderless rear tire.
Chopper guys were dipping lake water and pouring it over their beloved
scoots in a desperate attempt to beat back the muck, it was a horrifying
scene. The Brooksville Biker Rodeo is a little more chopper guy friendly
as the road going in is a little shorter and the pasture is always covered
in grass. What we’re gonna need from now on if these events held in the
middle of nowhere is a paved lane maybe the width of a sidewalk, or
topless girls waiting to wash our scoots as soon as we get there. The
dresser guys can hold their wash buckets for them if they wanna look. Now
that we’ve got that settled I’d like to thank J.O. for carrying my
trophy home for me, I actually haven’t seen it since I tried to tie it
to his sissybar. Last I heard he was dragging it down Hwy 41 behind his
bike. Word is he’s trying to get a burnout pit put in for the next
rodeo. I’d like to say here and now this chopper guy will definatly
represent. It will also give all that testosterone flying around a place
to be vented. You wanna fly across the pasture endangering everybody? Get
your ass in the pit and lets see what you can do! I’d like to throw out
a special chopper guy salute to Capt. Scotty for always taking care of our
stomachs, when he cooks I’m usually first in line. And my buddy Ted who
is now an honorary member in the fat tire club. Ride safe, Chopper Chip
& Gorilla Joe
The Original "FAT TIRE BOYS"
February 2008
We at chopper nation would like to take a minute off of our
Favorite subject, which is anything chopper related and talk to Cage
Drivers. Now we know most of ‘em don’t read biker rags but some of
them do and they can talk amongst themselves to get the word out. We would
like it very much if they would not run us over anymore. Now I know it
seems to be a hobby for them judging by the numbers, but speaking for
chopper guys and all other types of riders too its terribly inconvient
getting Crushed and mangled. They seem to think being airlifted to the
hospitals a joy ride. How do you cage drivers miss a fat dude on a road
king? Hell I can spot one a mile away, and I damn sure wouldn’t want one
denting The front end of my truck. We at chopper nation have discussed
this problem and we know cage drivers are gonna run SOMETHING over so we
think thempreppies on those fancy ten speeds would make great targets. Any
grown man that would don a helmet that ugly and wear spandex doesn’t do
chopper Guys any good anyways. They don’t go as fast as us so them
little old ladies with Slow reactions can get in on the fun too. We’ll
be waiting for your response, you can reach us at
www.scootergoods.com "The Fat Tire Boys"
Rebuttle to the "FAT TIRE
BOYS" February 2008
Yes they do! Choppers look cool,and
the dudes that ride them do so for that exact reason. They to think they
are cool. NO FRONT FENDER, NO WINDSHIELDS, NO BAGS. The only problem is it
takes 4 or 5 support bikes for each one on a ride. Hey man? Can you carry
my leathers cause it’s hot and I don’t have bags. Or let’s get beer
and oysters but you will have to carry them for me. They talk schitt about
SWINGARMS ARE FOR SISSY’S but are the only ones to complain their ass
and back are hurting everytime we stop.Hell they have even asked us to
carry a T-Back they just bought for their Ole Lady, cause they just ain’t
got no room. Next they will be wanting us to carry their bitches cause
P-Pads don’t look cool, and they don’t want to scratch their dam
fender. So from now on all the Baggers will be hauling their crap plus
cheese and crackers to go with them Chopper Riders Whine.
"Gunslinger"
January 2008
Chopper Nation
Happy NEW YEAR from all of us at Scootergoods and the Chopper Nation!
We've seen some very cool customs during the month of December on toy
runs. In a sea if dressers which all look alike to us chopper guys,
Customs Stand out. They are to be evaluated, scrutinized and the
owners congratulated on a fine scoot. This chopper guys could not tell the
difference between a FLHR, Road King, to a FLTR Road Glide. Their rolling
Barca Loungers to a chopper dude.Why don't they just slap some wheels on a
lazy boy and call it a day. They've got stereos,seats large enough for an
elephant,and enough trunk space to pack a months worth of clothes,lights
everywhere.ice makers,TV's and all the comforts of home. Hell guys the run
this months end is only 100 miles!
And don't even get us at the Chopper Nation started on windshields. You
want to hide from bugs,then just keep your ASS at home. They don't taste
all that bad, but sometimes they sting a little when they slam into your
face at 60 mph. I especially look forward to love bug season. I usally
don't have to eat lunch because I ingest enough of them when I ride. We at
the chopper nation say grow some balls and buy that sleek pro street that
gives you a boner. Better yet join the Chopper Nation we'll be glad to
have you. "The Fat Tire Boys"
December 2007
CHOPPER NATION
If your new to the chopper nation,
having purchased or built your shiny new chariot there are a few chopper
guy rules that apply to your new found lifestlye. First and most important
is that helmets are a no no.They just plain look dumb and when you take
them off you got helmet hair. Very uncool. P-pads and passenger seats are
also no no’s If the bitch wants a ride that bad she can sit on the
fender. A real biker woman wouldn’t mind anyway. She wouldunderstand and
appreciate your sense of style. Your gonna have to leave allhat gear you
carried around on your FLH, you cant be seen carrying anything more than a
do rag. Deal with it. When it rains and everybody else is bundled up real
nice in their rain gear and jackets your gonna look like a drowned rat.
Hold your head high,your part of the chopper nation. Stop by the pharmacy
on the way home and get some nyquil, you’ll be fine AND it’s a pretty
good buzz. Chopper guys are minimalists at heart so winter is gonna be
especially hard on you. No fluffy lined gloves for you my friend, how ya
supposed to pick your nose at stoplights? Them winter boogers are large
and nasty, when everybody else is taking off their warm sissy style gloves
you’ll already be done picking and ready for that upcoming green light.
The word "windshield" shall be forever banned from your
vocabulary. A true chopper guy lives to feel the
wind.
"The Fat Tire Boys"
It really doesn’t matter what brand of
chopper your on, we’re all kindred spirits, a special breed of biker
nobody understands but us. The men and women of CHOPPER NATION
Harlee Mc Swine Approved
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